“Good day.” Good day? Are you serious?! That’s what someone said to me as they passed me walking to campus the first week of school.
The things I hear on campus never cease to amaze me. Every time I try to have a nice little walk to school, all alone in my head, blaring ipod and all, someone tries to talk to me. Why? Why does everyone around here feel like they need to speak to every other person that passes?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a mean thing to do. However, it’s inconvenient to the other person for a number of reasons. One, they simply may not want to be bothered at 7:30 a.m. in the dark. It’s odd, it’s weird, stop doing it. Two, maybe they can’t hear you. Some people are really into their Kayne West and Britney Spears to have to be constantly aware of their surroundings. Three, maybe some kids have grown up in areas where talking to random people gets you gunned down. Maybe.
But in what world do I live that people still say “good day”? For real? And another oddity that occurred today….even more weird, a guy knocked on the apt door and asked for some random girl that doesn’t live here. So, being a concerned citizen and fellow Saint, I wanted to help him and asked her last name. To my surprise he said “Oh, I don’t recall her surname”. What the blank! Surname? Really? Did he really just speak like that in my doorway?
Had it not been for my civilized roommate standing behind me, I might have fallen to the ground with pure laughter. He wasn’t even one of those trench coat, yoda wearing guys either, so I was somewhat shocked at his comments.
I want to go home.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Living Situation
I think my roommates are afraid of me. No really. They are afraid of me and it makes me sad.
My best friend and I moved to Rexburg last year just to stay locked in our room all winter contemplating how and when we should escape this town. But after careful thought and prayer, we came to the conclusion that it wasn’t as much the town, as it was our living situation.
Our roommates never talked to us. In fact, if any of them read this, I bet $2 they don’t even remember they lived with me. We were cool people too, that’s why I couldn’t figure out why they distanced themselves from us all the time.
As the semester progressed, I tried my darnedest to get them to like me, like sometimes leaving dishes for them to do so they felt needed, or sitting garbage around the trash can so I wasn’t leaving it on the counter, or even sometimes I would leave food in the fridge for them but they would just let it spoil for months.
I really thought I was doing everything I could to win them over, but for some reason, it wasn’t working.
Currently, this semester seems to be going rather well…only 1 roommate afraid of me, maybe. I think the other one likes Veronica and I, that, or either she’s just not dumb enough to get on our bad side. But I’d like to think she actually likes us. We like her, at least.
The other one doesn’t speak to us. Not a word. All day long, all night, nothing. I hear her grunting in the kitchen sometimes when she doesn’t appreciate the evenly stacked dishes in the sink, but other than that, not a word. But the reason I know she is afraid of us is because she never says anything to us. I also got word that she actually said she doesn’t like us. But her reason was absurd. However, she still hasn’t approached me, so I guess she will have to keep living in fear. Not that we are actually scary, because we aren’t. My best friend even cries in church sometimes, so I know we are good people.
But I am determined to make this apartment a whole, where love is near and we all like each other. It will happen…or else! Ha.
My best friend and I moved to Rexburg last year just to stay locked in our room all winter contemplating how and when we should escape this town. But after careful thought and prayer, we came to the conclusion that it wasn’t as much the town, as it was our living situation.
Our roommates never talked to us. In fact, if any of them read this, I bet $2 they don’t even remember they lived with me. We were cool people too, that’s why I couldn’t figure out why they distanced themselves from us all the time.
As the semester progressed, I tried my darnedest to get them to like me, like sometimes leaving dishes for them to do so they felt needed, or sitting garbage around the trash can so I wasn’t leaving it on the counter, or even sometimes I would leave food in the fridge for them but they would just let it spoil for months.
I really thought I was doing everything I could to win them over, but for some reason, it wasn’t working.
Currently, this semester seems to be going rather well…only 1 roommate afraid of me, maybe. I think the other one likes Veronica and I, that, or either she’s just not dumb enough to get on our bad side. But I’d like to think she actually likes us. We like her, at least.
The other one doesn’t speak to us. Not a word. All day long, all night, nothing. I hear her grunting in the kitchen sometimes when she doesn’t appreciate the evenly stacked dishes in the sink, but other than that, not a word. But the reason I know she is afraid of us is because she never says anything to us. I also got word that she actually said she doesn’t like us. But her reason was absurd. However, she still hasn’t approached me, so I guess she will have to keep living in fear. Not that we are actually scary, because we aren’t. My best friend even cries in church sometimes, so I know we are good people.
But I am determined to make this apartment a whole, where love is near and we all like each other. It will happen…or else! Ha.
Step it Up, Yo!
“Hey, how’s it going? I couldn’t help but notice you from across the classroom. I was wondering if your name was Visa because you’re everywhere I wanna be.”
That’s how it would go down where I’m from, but not in Rexburg. Around here, if I dare look at a guy longer than 3 seconds, he immediately breaks the eye contact and nervously starts skimming through a book. At first, I thought it might just be the type of guys that go to this university.
I’ve also thought about the possibility that there might just be something wrong with me, but I can’t even fathom that idea. I mean, if you knew me, you would know that is absolutely not the case.
I came here under the impression that guys are pretty much the same anywhere. That they approach you the same, use the same pick up lines, and so on. But that’s definitely not what I found. I found myself in a world full of unsure and shy men. Right? Am I completely making this up?
I know I am not the only girl here that feels this way because I’ve actually done a little independent survey and my studies show that getting a guy to ask you out is somewhat challenging in Rexburg. However, I’ve never had to overcome this obstacle in life before, so this gives me a little chuckle.
Back in South Carolina, I could simply be grocery shopping, and if I caught a guy’s attention, he would let me know. Whether it be “yo, shawty, lemme get them digits” or “Do your eyes hurt?...because they’re killing me, darling”, I would at least be approached. Hey, I had options. Do you?
That is my point. I think guys here are very much conservative, even the ones who say they are rebels, they aren’t. In a town where approximately 2 people get engaged per hour(I totally made that up, but I bet I am pretty accurate), how are these people getting to the point of marriage if the men are not stepping up their game?
And if you are reading this thinking I am bitter, you are wrong. I just want to know what is so embarrassing about going up to a girl, asking her out and then not being weird about it. I’ll even go out on a limb and speak up for most females on campus and say, men, it is okay to approach us. We do not expect rings on the first date, well, the second date might be a different story, but…only kidding.
I miss the days of “excuse me, can I talk to you for a minute?” I’ve gone on dates in Rexburg but they always end up really bizarre because they usually started out that way. I just want everyone to know there is no mold you have to fill just because you’re in the LDS dating scene when it comes to asking girls out.
Be brave. Take a deep breath. Be silly. Walk up to that cute girl you passed by the Hart and let her know that her “ponytail is ridiculous” and that you want to “holla”. If she turns around and says “holla back” then you have succeeded. Mission accomplished.
That’s how it would go down where I’m from, but not in Rexburg. Around here, if I dare look at a guy longer than 3 seconds, he immediately breaks the eye contact and nervously starts skimming through a book. At first, I thought it might just be the type of guys that go to this university.
I’ve also thought about the possibility that there might just be something wrong with me, but I can’t even fathom that idea. I mean, if you knew me, you would know that is absolutely not the case.
I came here under the impression that guys are pretty much the same anywhere. That they approach you the same, use the same pick up lines, and so on. But that’s definitely not what I found. I found myself in a world full of unsure and shy men. Right? Am I completely making this up?
I know I am not the only girl here that feels this way because I’ve actually done a little independent survey and my studies show that getting a guy to ask you out is somewhat challenging in Rexburg. However, I’ve never had to overcome this obstacle in life before, so this gives me a little chuckle.
Back in South Carolina, I could simply be grocery shopping, and if I caught a guy’s attention, he would let me know. Whether it be “yo, shawty, lemme get them digits” or “Do your eyes hurt?...because they’re killing me, darling”, I would at least be approached. Hey, I had options. Do you?
That is my point. I think guys here are very much conservative, even the ones who say they are rebels, they aren’t. In a town where approximately 2 people get engaged per hour(I totally made that up, but I bet I am pretty accurate), how are these people getting to the point of marriage if the men are not stepping up their game?
And if you are reading this thinking I am bitter, you are wrong. I just want to know what is so embarrassing about going up to a girl, asking her out and then not being weird about it. I’ll even go out on a limb and speak up for most females on campus and say, men, it is okay to approach us. We do not expect rings on the first date, well, the second date might be a different story, but…only kidding.
I miss the days of “excuse me, can I talk to you for a minute?” I’ve gone on dates in Rexburg but they always end up really bizarre because they usually started out that way. I just want everyone to know there is no mold you have to fill just because you’re in the LDS dating scene when it comes to asking girls out.
Be brave. Take a deep breath. Be silly. Walk up to that cute girl you passed by the Hart and let her know that her “ponytail is ridiculous” and that you want to “holla”. If she turns around and says “holla back” then you have succeeded. Mission accomplished.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
When dreams seem real
Have you ever had one of those dreams at night that you just totally cannot stop thinking about? It seemed so real and you feel like it's part of your life now? I mean, it's life changing right? Well...that happened to me last night and I think I am going to live out this dream....
Don't even laugh. I had a dream that I was on stage...singing...something beautiful that I had written, it almost made me cry, actually. But it wasn't in 2009, it was in some other time...maybe 1988 or something fabulous like that. I had a flowing red dress on with red lipstick, my hair was jet black with loose curls, and there was a sympathy orchestra behind me. It was amazing. And after the concert, I climbed into my limo and drove to a wonderful hotel somewhere at the top of a mountain. I know, I know...it sounds stupid, but it wasn't. It was amazing and I want that to happen to me. I love to sing. Those who really know me know this about me, and you also know why I don't really sing anymore. But I want to. I miss it. Singing gives me such a feeling of peace and purity.
So....if I decide to really pursue this dream, peace to all my Rexburg peeps.
Don't even laugh. I had a dream that I was on stage...singing...something beautiful that I had written, it almost made me cry, actually. But it wasn't in 2009, it was in some other time...maybe 1988 or something fabulous like that. I had a flowing red dress on with red lipstick, my hair was jet black with loose curls, and there was a sympathy orchestra behind me. It was amazing. And after the concert, I climbed into my limo and drove to a wonderful hotel somewhere at the top of a mountain. I know, I know...it sounds stupid, but it wasn't. It was amazing and I want that to happen to me. I love to sing. Those who really know me know this about me, and you also know why I don't really sing anymore. But I want to. I miss it. Singing gives me such a feeling of peace and purity.
So....if I decide to really pursue this dream, peace to all my Rexburg peeps.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
When life gives you lemons...
......throw them a curve ball back. ha. Just kidding.
It has come to my attention that a very strange thing has happened to me without me knowing it. Well, I know it now, obviously, but the process was quick and painless and now I am reflecting.
I've spent a good many years of my life whining and complaining, wallowing in my misery, and being jealous of others. And all for what? For nothing. It has gotten me NOWHERE. Actually, it did take me somewhere. It took me to a dark place that I never want to be again.
My thinking was all screwed up back then (like...a months ago) and I just couldn't see any of the positive that actually existed in my life. All I saw was all the good things happening to everyone else and me sitting in the corner all alone. How did I let myself get to this point? I don't know. I honestly didn't set out to do this to myself. Had I known the damage I was causing to myself, as well as others, I would have never let it get as bad as it did.
It was extremely easy to rationalize my actions and reactions to situations and justify them because of things that happened to me in the past. Well, if everyone in the world decided that oneday they were all going to make excuses for their actions based on experiences they had in their lives, we would most definitely be living in a dangerous place (well, more dangerous than it already is, of course).
The worst part of all was that there were some really cool things happening to my friends but because I couldn't see past my own problems, I missed out on of all of it. Thinking back, that makes me really frustrated and embarrassed.
The past couple weeks I've been trying to be more positive, look at life differently, and appreciate those blessings that I receive because they've been given to me. How dare I ignore the good that Heavenly Father has so graciously decided to send my way? Just so I can look around for something better that happened to someone else? How stupid is that?
I'm so glad I figured it out, all on my own too. WELL, not completely on my own, with a little help from someone, and my massive brain, I finally got it all together. Life is great.
It has come to my attention that a very strange thing has happened to me without me knowing it. Well, I know it now, obviously, but the process was quick and painless and now I am reflecting.
I've spent a good many years of my life whining and complaining, wallowing in my misery, and being jealous of others. And all for what? For nothing. It has gotten me NOWHERE. Actually, it did take me somewhere. It took me to a dark place that I never want to be again.
My thinking was all screwed up back then (like...a months ago) and I just couldn't see any of the positive that actually existed in my life. All I saw was all the good things happening to everyone else and me sitting in the corner all alone. How did I let myself get to this point? I don't know. I honestly didn't set out to do this to myself. Had I known the damage I was causing to myself, as well as others, I would have never let it get as bad as it did.
It was extremely easy to rationalize my actions and reactions to situations and justify them because of things that happened to me in the past. Well, if everyone in the world decided that oneday they were all going to make excuses for their actions based on experiences they had in their lives, we would most definitely be living in a dangerous place (well, more dangerous than it already is, of course).
The worst part of all was that there were some really cool things happening to my friends but because I couldn't see past my own problems, I missed out on of all of it. Thinking back, that makes me really frustrated and embarrassed.
The past couple weeks I've been trying to be more positive, look at life differently, and appreciate those blessings that I receive because they've been given to me. How dare I ignore the good that Heavenly Father has so graciously decided to send my way? Just so I can look around for something better that happened to someone else? How stupid is that?
I'm so glad I figured it out, all on my own too. WELL, not completely on my own, with a little help from someone, and my massive brain, I finally got it all together. Life is great.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Forever Single and it's MY choice
No...really, it's a choice I've chosen. It's not like I'm one of those weird, Harry Potter kind of girls...you know the ones I'm talking about. I completely understand the pros and cons to marriage and I've decided that for MY life, the cons definitely out weight the pros.
To be completely honest, I was one of those girls who made the big move out west in search of the perfect Mormon husband. He'd be a returned missionary, we'd meet in college, get married in the temple, have a few freckled kids and live happily ever after. That's what I wanted. No, that's what I wanted to to want. But I don't. At least not the way people out here in Mormon land do it. Now...I know, I am going to get some hate mail from this. Maybe I'll lose a friend, but it's clearly MY opinion...and you know what they say about opinions....well, there are a few sayings. But I feel as if I must vocalize my opinions when I'm feeling trapped, so excuse this blog and still love or move on.
When my best friend in kindergarten got a really cool plastic pink Barbie backpack, I had to have one. So I got one. In middle school, when everyone had one of those virtual pet things, I desperately needed one. So of course, I got one. The list goes on, but you get my point. The same goes for most people, when someone has something that is "cool" or "unusual", you just want it too. On the other hand, one of my best friends got a few unusual piercings in high school, but that kind of made me think a little harder about what I really wanted.
After high school and a series of identity crisis's, I thought I finally knew who I was and where I was going in life. Living in a town where LDS is not the majority was always hard and I did long to be with others I could identity with a little better. So, nothing would do but for me to venture off to the great west...the Great Salt Lake actually, and what I found was something very different than what I expected. My roommate was a little eccentric, always talking about marriage as if it were a prize and we were all in a competition. It didn't take me long to figure out that getting married was the "in" thing to do if you were a day over 18. Well, I was 21. That's basically 3 years into retirement around these neck of the woods. I dated a few guys....none too special. A couple could have been potential husbands, but a lot were just plain desperate. It really wasn't that hard to differentiate. After I graduated LDS Business College I was 22 and STILL not married. As my last religion teacher put it, "if you're a girl and over 21 and STILL not married, you've greatly decreased your opportunity to find a LDS husband." Needless to say, my time had run out.
In a panic, I quickly registered for classes at BYU-Idaho in hopes that there was still just ONE guy that was a menace to society and I'd find him. One year in Rexburg and no Romeo. Whatever shall I do?
But it was that year at BYU-I that made me put on my thinking cap, set aside all those wedding announcements of my roommates, and decide what it was that I wanted. I suddenly found myself in a mini panic. I had been setting myself up for failure the past 3 years, thank GOODNESS nobody took me up on my desperation.
Don't get me wrong. I do want to find that special person that loves me with all his heart and vice versa. Everybody wants that, it's a part of being human. But at least 4 people I've met while I've been out here have been married and divorced, all of which started out all hot and heavy and ended cold and lonely. I'm sorry, but I actually value a temple marriage and I refuse to be a statistic just because all my friends think it's cool.
My point is, rather than to do what everyone else is doing, I will continue to follow my heart and wait it out. It really does break my heart to see really young people getting themselves into marriages because it's such a cultural thing in the Mormon community. People! Take a minute and really find out what it is that you want before you do it. I shouldn't care, but I do. So for now, instead of falling victim to the curse of BYU-I-Do, I'm going to choose to be single until I know that it's right.
To be completely honest, I was one of those girls who made the big move out west in search of the perfect Mormon husband. He'd be a returned missionary, we'd meet in college, get married in the temple, have a few freckled kids and live happily ever after. That's what I wanted. No, that's what I wanted to to want. But I don't. At least not the way people out here in Mormon land do it. Now...I know, I am going to get some hate mail from this. Maybe I'll lose a friend, but it's clearly MY opinion...and you know what they say about opinions....well, there are a few sayings. But I feel as if I must vocalize my opinions when I'm feeling trapped, so excuse this blog and still love or move on.
When my best friend in kindergarten got a really cool plastic pink Barbie backpack, I had to have one. So I got one. In middle school, when everyone had one of those virtual pet things, I desperately needed one. So of course, I got one. The list goes on, but you get my point. The same goes for most people, when someone has something that is "cool" or "unusual", you just want it too. On the other hand, one of my best friends got a few unusual piercings in high school, but that kind of made me think a little harder about what I really wanted.
After high school and a series of identity crisis's, I thought I finally knew who I was and where I was going in life. Living in a town where LDS is not the majority was always hard and I did long to be with others I could identity with a little better. So, nothing would do but for me to venture off to the great west...the Great Salt Lake actually, and what I found was something very different than what I expected. My roommate was a little eccentric, always talking about marriage as if it were a prize and we were all in a competition. It didn't take me long to figure out that getting married was the "in" thing to do if you were a day over 18. Well, I was 21. That's basically 3 years into retirement around these neck of the woods. I dated a few guys....none too special. A couple could have been potential husbands, but a lot were just plain desperate. It really wasn't that hard to differentiate. After I graduated LDS Business College I was 22 and STILL not married. As my last religion teacher put it, "if you're a girl and over 21 and STILL not married, you've greatly decreased your opportunity to find a LDS husband." Needless to say, my time had run out.
In a panic, I quickly registered for classes at BYU-Idaho in hopes that there was still just ONE guy that was a menace to society and I'd find him. One year in Rexburg and no Romeo. Whatever shall I do?
But it was that year at BYU-I that made me put on my thinking cap, set aside all those wedding announcements of my roommates, and decide what it was that I wanted. I suddenly found myself in a mini panic. I had been setting myself up for failure the past 3 years, thank GOODNESS nobody took me up on my desperation.
Don't get me wrong. I do want to find that special person that loves me with all his heart and vice versa. Everybody wants that, it's a part of being human. But at least 4 people I've met while I've been out here have been married and divorced, all of which started out all hot and heavy and ended cold and lonely. I'm sorry, but I actually value a temple marriage and I refuse to be a statistic just because all my friends think it's cool.
My point is, rather than to do what everyone else is doing, I will continue to follow my heart and wait it out. It really does break my heart to see really young people getting themselves into marriages because it's such a cultural thing in the Mormon community. People! Take a minute and really find out what it is that you want before you do it. I shouldn't care, but I do. So for now, instead of falling victim to the curse of BYU-I-Do, I'm going to choose to be single until I know that it's right.
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