No...really, it's a choice I've chosen. It's not like I'm one of those weird, Harry Potter kind of girls...you know the ones I'm talking about. I completely understand the pros and cons to marriage and I've decided that for MY life, the cons definitely out weight the pros.
To be completely honest, I was one of those girls who made the big move out west in search of the perfect Mormon husband. He'd be a returned missionary, we'd meet in college, get married in the temple, have a few freckled kids and live happily ever after. That's what I wanted. No, that's what I wanted to to want. But I don't. At least not the way people out here in Mormon land do it. Now...I know, I am going to get some hate mail from this. Maybe I'll lose a friend, but it's clearly MY opinion...and you know what they say about opinions....well, there are a few sayings. But I feel as if I must vocalize my opinions when I'm feeling trapped, so excuse this blog and still love or move on.
When my best friend in kindergarten got a really cool plastic pink Barbie backpack, I had to have one. So I got one. In middle school, when everyone had one of those virtual pet things, I desperately needed one. So of course, I got one. The list goes on, but you get my point. The same goes for most people, when someone has something that is "cool" or "unusual", you just want it too. On the other hand, one of my best friends got a few unusual piercings in high school, but that kind of made me think a little harder about what I really wanted.
After high school and a series of identity crisis's, I thought I finally knew who I was and where I was going in life. Living in a town where LDS is not the majority was always hard and I did long to be with others I could identity with a little better. So, nothing would do but for me to venture off to the great west...the Great Salt Lake actually, and what I found was something very different than what I expected. My roommate was a little eccentric, always talking about marriage as if it were a prize and we were all in a competition. It didn't take me long to figure out that getting married was the "in" thing to do if you were a day over 18. Well, I was 21. That's basically 3 years into retirement around these neck of the woods. I dated a few guys....none too special. A couple could have been potential husbands, but a lot were just plain desperate. It really wasn't that hard to differentiate. After I graduated LDS Business College I was 22 and STILL not married. As my last religion teacher put it, "if you're a girl and over 21 and STILL not married, you've greatly decreased your opportunity to find a LDS husband." Needless to say, my time had run out.
In a panic, I quickly registered for classes at BYU-Idaho in hopes that there was still just ONE guy that was a menace to society and I'd find him. One year in Rexburg and no Romeo. Whatever shall I do?
But it was that year at BYU-I that made me put on my thinking cap, set aside all those wedding announcements of my roommates, and decide what it was that I wanted. I suddenly found myself in a mini panic. I had been setting myself up for failure the past 3 years, thank GOODNESS nobody took me up on my desperation.
Don't get me wrong. I do want to find that special person that loves me with all his heart and vice versa. Everybody wants that, it's a part of being human. But at least 4 people I've met while I've been out here have been married and divorced, all of which started out all hot and heavy and ended cold and lonely. I'm sorry, but I actually value a temple marriage and I refuse to be a statistic just because all my friends think it's cool.
My point is, rather than to do what everyone else is doing, I will continue to follow my heart and wait it out. It really does break my heart to see really young people getting themselves into marriages because it's such a cultural thing in the Mormon community. People! Take a minute and really find out what it is that you want before you do it. I shouldn't care, but I do. So for now, instead of falling victim to the curse of BYU-I-Do, I'm going to choose to be single until I know that it's right.
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