It's been so long...too long...

I haven't blogged in so long, I know, I should be ashamed. It doesn't necessarily mean I haven't been writing (I haven't), but a lot of things have changed in my life over the past three weeks. Here is a recap of what's gone down since the last time I posted:

• I graduated college
• My dad came for a visit
• I moved back to Salt Lake
• I have no job
• I started exercising again
• My best friend and I aren't speaking
• I started watching cable tv for the first time in over a year (weird)
  
• There are, in fact, Stevie Nicks fans younger than me, and I found them. (weirder)

It doesn't sound like a significant list of accomplishments or activities, but it's making a huge impact on my life, both positive and negatively. 

In the beginning, graduation meant starting a new life, a new job, a new me. It's been almost three weeks later and I'm learning that graduation doesn't really mean any of those things. I've been desperately searching and applying for jobs I would love to have, and even ones that I definitely am over qualified for, but the point is, I need income. Although I am sure there is a lesson to be learned, in the moment of heartbreak and disappointment, it just seems endless. 

Ultimately, the plan is to have conquered a career no later than Friday. I don't know if thats really going to happen, but it has to. I just want to really feel independent. Although I have felt independent for along time now, there's another aspect of independence that I haven't quite felt yet, and I think that this may be it. 

Since I've made the big leap from college to the real world, and the even bigger leap from Rexburg to Salt Lake, I find myself feeling a little bit "let down" by it all. The little Idaho town that I once felt was hell, now looks very different to me. I miss Rexburg a lot. My last semester of college brought something fresh and new to my life that I had never felt before. Now that it's over, I'm not sure what I feel, if I even feel anything at all.

Tomorrow will be a new day, just as today was, and I will eagerly search for more jobs, in hopes that Friday really will be the day of employment celebration. The question that lingers in my mind is, what does any of this mean? What does life mean? Why do things happen? Is there actually any real reason why anything happens, or does it just happen? I have no inclination of whether things are just a series of constant changing events, triggered by each thing before it, or if there is something spiritual actually going on that is directing event traffic. I don't know. But that is definitely what I am going to be pondering and figuring out until I can understand any of this. 

Until next time...